Chapter fourteen
The priest felt the iron bar cutting into his shoulders, felt his leg muscles tighten and descended into a squat position. His knees wobbled from the weight but he forced himself up, feeling a little fire in his glutes. This little fire gave him a sudden surge of elation and impetus to carry on despite the first wobble suggesting that it might be too much for him. He repeated this movement five times, and then hooked the bar on the rack. His future self ducked from under the bar and fleetingly looked at herself in the mirror. A long haired girl with a cap. He had not seen a woman like this before: defined, muscular, with very low body fat. The priest had to submit to the limitations of transportation. He could only experience the physical and emotional aspects of his future self, not any of the intellectual capacities such as language or any of the memories that allow us to express those capacities.
His future self bent over to grab what the priest realised was a see through container with water in it. Again he experienced a little fire in his glutes and again came the elation. He wondered what the association was between the two, why she was happy at the fire in her glutes, sensing also a desire to look in the mirror that the priest was resisting.
There was a guy, a tall guy, standing close to him and he said something to the future self, which the limitations prevented from learning its meaning. He moved out of the way. The tall guy went up to the bar and grabbed it not to put it on his neck and shoulders like the priest had done but to lift it overhead for a press. The same weight that the priest had trouble with lifting using the strongest muscles belonging to humankind he lifted with his shoulders, doing several repetitions with ease. The priest felt himself smiling. Evidently his future self liked strong guys and while the man was doing these repetitions, the future began to fade away and his current life began to exhort its rights. The priest looked upon Lana sitting in front of him, eating strips of his shrooms.
'I love watching you sleep,' said Lana wistfully.
The priest started and let out a noise of disbelief.
'How long have you been -'
'Tell me, tell me, before anything else. What was it?'
'What?'
'Ahh you ruined it now.'
Lana laughed a little while chewing the mushroom. His eye showed the most penetrating bemusement.
The priest looked from the bowl in between them to Lana's face.
'Are you really…what are you looking for? A good time?'
The priest joined him in bemusement. He also grabbed a couple strands of mushroom.
'I wanted you to tell me what it is you experienced before it left you. But it's too late now. I know it's gone.'
'It's gone nearly in an instant. And besides, why should I remember?'
'You don't want to know about what you experienced?'
'For what?'
'I don't even know why this practice even exists.'
His eyes were beginning to get crimson and every breath he took through his nose prickles his eyes, watering them.
'How long have you been here anyway?'
It took a moment for him to respond, and he tossed a slip of the mushroom he was holding back into the bowl, seeing the normal proportions bend all around him.
'I don't even know - not long.'
His eyes started to close solely and nodded forward to rest his chin on his chest.
Lana saw a different life become clearer to him and almost immediately felt weightlessness, bucking a yoke that was around his neck, and experienced the life of someone else, but that was his too though not yet. He was holding something but didn't know what it was. He wanted to look to see what he was holding but his future self was more interested in the two people preoccupied with something. He sensed frustration from his future self, clearly feeling that he didn't want to see them but that he had to and steeled himself for it. His future self turned away his eyes from the man and woman to an entrance, and Lana realised these were all houses around him, seeing there was something obstructing the entrance to the house. Now their two desires matched and they both wanted to see what was in the thing that was obstructing the entrance.
Lana saw with astonishment, which he couldn't express, that it was a baby, something that his future self had anticipated. But the future self hadn't seen the baby before and evidently wished to see how it looked. It looked just like any other baby and it was asleep. He turned back to the younger of the two who was pushing the baby carriage away from the entrance so Lana could go in. Lana and her were now speaking to each other, and now Lana said something to the other person, who he now realised was a woman with short hair, preoccupied with something on a waist high wall separating the two houses. His future self turned to their object of interest, a struggling bee that was on its back, unable to fly off. The younger woman once again said something unintelligible to Lana but he replied back, passing the older woman, while making a hand motion which Lana understood only because he himself would have done the same thing. The older lady looked at him shocked while the younger girl smiled, leaning on the baby carriage. It should be killed, Lana thought, and he was sure his future self said so, urging mercy killing. His future self fished in the inside of his garment to take out something and Lana watched with intense curiosity what would happen, feeling a pinch of lower back pain. His future self looked back to see the older lady taking the bee with a little stick and carrying it to something he was clueless on its meaning. His future self smiled and shrugged and opened the door to the house…
*
The priest watched someone else transport with curiosity. He hadn't seen this since the last priest had done it with him, some years before. It almost looked like sleep but whose dreams were more intense, not allowing the facial stillness sleep imparts you. He grabbed a mushroom strand and put it on the tip of tongue, suppressing laughter as he saw Lana's face twitch with excitement.
Chapter fifteen
This was early morning and Pisco was getting ready to go to chew some cassava roots. She had already put her clothes on and was tying her hair back, a single twist down the centre, slipping in a ribbon at the top, even if the material was coarse cloth. It was cute. Pisco was trying to think of what she had on her mind but couldn't pinpoint it. The thought was like a bat flying around in an empty cave as dark as itself but she couldn't see the bat but only hear it, yet to know what was on her mind she had to look into the bat's eyes. What was it that she had on her mind? The bar kept flapping near noiselessly and she stopped mid movement really trying to focus on what it was that occupied her. Strange how something that occupies you can be so difficult to pinpoint, illuminate. This was how she was most times, trying to find out what was in her mind and what made her seem in her own world, detached, rude. And her own world she tried to break out of.
She relaxed her body, dispelled the bat in the cave and walked out of her bedroom, giving her preoccupation up as a lost cause.
The house she lived in, like all the houses in Heaven's Bridge, had no hallways, only rooms that connected to each other through doors. Every room had two doors unless it was the room to the furthest side of the house. Only one room had the exit door. Pisco's room had two doors. One led to the room with the exit and the other was where her uncle slept. She walked carefully to the door to her uncle's room and opened the door. She looked in and once she realised what she was seeing, stood there shocked. Pisco watched Lana breathing, slowly and deeply, captured by the sleep of the dead. She couldn't remember him sleeping so peacefully, in her mind associating him with the creased brow and twitching face that frustrated sleep gives a man, and closed the door extra quietly behind her. Pisco didn't know how anyone else in the village slept and so thought the insomnia was restricted to her own family and stopped to muse on whether or not it would pass before it reached her. She hoped to God it wouldn't and crossed her room to go to the room that had the door for egress, a communal room that doubled as a kitchen, with the utensils stacked up in a corner. She found that her grandmother was there, sitting in a wide backed wicker chair, and Pisco showed surprise to see her, someone whose circadian rhythm was more disrupted than anyone in the village of insomnia but more naturally so because of the lot of those of her profession. The midwife saw the startlement and said:
'Why shouldn't I be here? Don't I live here?'
Pisco giggled nervously.
'I never know when you're here, grandmother.'
'I didn't know you were here either. You're so quiet - too quiet, for your age. It's unnatural, Pisco, and not it's good to be unnatural. Come here and give me a kiss, strange girl. What are you doing standing there? I'm here now.'
Pisco giggled nervously again and came over to kiss her grandmother and moved away.
'You never know what to do, strange girl. Come here. Don't you like me?'
Pisco brought her eyes closer in thought.
'Yes I do.'
'Are you happy?'
Pisco was as still as can be.
'...Yeah…'
'Do you want to make me happy ?'
'Yes,' she replied firmly, nodding in all seriousness.
'Come here and snuggle with me a little.'
Pisco obeyed.
'Do you really like me?'
'Mm.'
‘How do you show that you like someone?’
‘Huh?’
‘How do you show someone that you like them?’
Pisco tensed, stumped now, for the midwife was merciless. Pisco was trying to think of the right answer, not an answer that may or may not continue the line of questioning but the right answer to stop the questioning. How does one show that they liked someone? Pisco had no idea.
'How come you never ask me anything?' the midwife continued rather mischievously, squeezing her granddaughter tighter. 'Ask me something.'
Pisco, locked in the embrace, was looking wide eyed into the void that was the social part of her brain. But this wasn't peering in a dark cave searching for a bat. She felt like she was submerged in deep waters feeling the air escape her but her lungs never going empty. Even if she was unable to breath she never choked or started to drown - a curious sensation where she felt mild panic but wasn't fearful, resulting in detachment. Pisco only engaged because she was exhorted to do so and in a slow movement grasped around her and...and... caught a snail fish.
'How…how…was your day?'
'Good girl… Very good! A day of usual house visits. The nearly birthing women, the ones who have already birthed. The talk is not new life however but one already several years old….got poisoned by a fish. He's screaming in pain with a violent rash but he'll be alright if you ask me. You don't die from such pain unless you're silent. I checked up on Amaru too, and her new baby. Now is a good time to give birth to a new child since Amaru had another one. A beautiful one so they say…where's Lana? It's time he gets his act together and take advantage of fortune...'
'He's asleep and in such a deep sleep too!'
'Oh? I thought he'd be up talking about all the ghosts he wants to see. What did you do with your hair? Didn't I tell you to keep your prettiness under wraps?'
The midwife undid the ribbon.
'I love undoing ribbons. Just in case people realise you're prettier than everyone else….the trouble I went through…ruined.'
'Trouble?'
The midwife changed her mind and scooped Pisco's hair to tie the ribbon again.
'It doesn't even matter anymore since Supay is the sacrifice. Did you want to be a sacrifice?'
'Mm.'
'Don't you rather want to grow old?'
'Mm.'
'Which is it? Haha, such a strange girl. This is only because I kept you away from people that you came out like this. At least you'll live. The right answer is 'grow old'. You want to grow old. Now you can go out more and mix since Supay is the sacrifice. Is that where you're going now?'
'Mm. I want to get better.'
'At what?'
'At mixing, doing things other people do.'
'Mhm. Bet she's drunk most of the time. She's got it good, I guess, so happy, and proud. While her whole family is angry. I wouldn't mind being a sacrifice myself if I think about it. But no way will I be a part of a family that gives the sacrifice. Rather give myself than give something I love.'
Chapter sixteen
There was wind on Heaven's Bridge and Pisco felt its chill as she was making her way up the stairs of Heaven's Bridge. She tried to get warmer by wrapping her lower lip over her upper lip to make it wet, which came to her for some reason as a good idea to stop the chill. It worked a little she felt, but she knew it would, letting her lips set once again in a neutral manner. Pisco had already noticed that another person was coming down the stairs: Huayta. She felt a little tremor but expressed nothing outwardly, ignored Huayta, whom she knew and whose eyes were searching her own and in response Huayta stopped her descent to glare at Pisco's back, noting the way she wrapped her lower lip over her upper lip and took it as mockery. But Pisco continued her way up the stairs despite feeling an evil look until she reached Supay's temporary residence and went inside.
There were only two other girls there chewing cassava when Pisco entered. She had come early. Supay was there too, up, mildly sober for the most part as she was decorating grotesque candles. All of them tried to catch Pisco's eyes as she entered but she ignored them all, sat next to one girl furthest from the door, near Supay, and reached for the cassava root. Supay looked around incredulously.
'Did she just…did you…did you just come to someone's house and not say hello to anyone?'
Supay with surprising deftness and quickness stopped her from putting the cassava in her mouth by putting her hand on Pisco's upwardly moving hand. Pisco looked up into Supay's eyes.
'Hi,' said Supay.
'Hi,' replied Pisco.
'Hi,' said Supay again.
The other girls sniggered with their mouths full of yuca, trying not to spill it. Supay's own laughter boomed in delight, a lovely deep laughter. Pisco laughed a little too, but uncertainty laced the laughter, since it was just to do the same as everyone else and not because she thought anything was funny. A mild struggle ensued as Pisco was still tentatively trying to get the cassava upwards while Supay was pushing downwards. The sacrifice, a fattened lamb, had gained weight and Pisco couldn't budge.
'How bad do you want to put it in your mouth?' asked Supay. 'Huh? How bad? More than you want to say hi to us?' Pisco stared at Supay with a staggering lack of wit. 'Relax a little. What's wrong with you ? Are you scared of us? SHY? A lack of confidence is so repulsive.'
'I..' stammered Pisco, furiously shaking her head looking downwards. Her face had a pink flush.
'Weirdo, never knowing how to act. Don't you know you have to greet the people already there when you arrive?' lectured Supay to a girl her own age. Death's spectre had made her feel more mature than the twelve year old that she was. Even her vocabulary had aged twenty years.
'I….'
Pisco was getting emotional.
'No matter. Relax a little. I don't know what you expected. Haha you see that? What did she expect?' asked Supay around and then turned back to Pisco. 'Haha. What did she - hold on, what's that twist in your hair?'
Supay reached out to stroke the twist and down to examine Pisco's face.
'It looks nice.' She was more drunk than she initially appeared and became caught in the rapids of intoxication where one gets tossed from one thing to another just to keep talking. 'So pretty…it makes me wonder...' She exhaled incredulously. 'Either some trick must have been pulled or I'm extraordinary.' Her face lit up and one could tell that she felt it was the latter. 'When my sister got chosen to be the last sacrifice I never thought my family would see another sacrifice chosen from us, the honour and duty falling on me,' she added in a solemn tone - but with difficulty as she couldn't totally suppress her childish delight. Gently, Supay took the hand that held the cassava root and pushed it towards Pisco's slightly open mouth. 'I thought some other family or person would get the next honour. So did my parents. But then I got it too. You know the best feeling is to get an unexpected delight.'
'You…you deserve it,' said Pisco and smiled, putting the cassava root in her mouth.
'Haha! Why did you say it like that? Maybe I do…this is the only thing that separates people here. But I did have some bad dreams about the way though. The buried alive by myself part.' She shrugged. 'Maybe it'll be alright. Maybe it won't be so bad…maybe…maybe…maybe it will be the best part.'
'You won't be buried alive,' one of the girls said after she had spat the yuca out of her mouth. 'You'll be alive in that cave for a long time until you die.'
Pisco thought about the cave of her mind and the bat and wondered if the cave would be dark or if there would be bats in the cave. But her mouth was full of cassava so she let the thought slide and knew that by the time she had finished grinding the cassava down the thought would be gone. Her cave was so dark, the bats so difficult to catch, and she hoped that Supay's cave would have a little more light to see with.
'I just use buried alive because it sounds nicer than the other,' said Supay. 'Either way I hope I last longer than my sister. She did three weeks, I heard. So I must do five! I think I can do six even. My face feels so chubby.'
